There’s Hope

I can’t say it any better than it is said in this song…

When I Think About Jesus & All That He Has Done For Me…

Many a Sunday I have stood in church and heard it said “When I think about Jesus, and all that he has done for me, my sould cries out ‘Hallelujah’!” I am not ashamed to say that I have not always been able to co-sign that. Inside, I knew it to be true that Jesus had done great things for me, but it wasn’t hitting me in my soul “everytime I turn” as the song goes. But last night, as I was peeling boiled eggs, it hit me.

All by myself, with no prompting or reason to be doing so, I was thinking about the goodness of Jesus. I thought about how I lay in bed so many nights trying to understand why this “God” character was letting this man repeatedly climb on top of me. I thought about the many nights I considered ending my own life. I considered the number of times I worried that I would end up a prostitute, or pregnant and found out. I was less afraid of being pregnant than I was of being found out. I thought about what I could be or where I could have ended up. I thought about the STDs I didn’t end up with, the life I didn’t take, the scars I didn’t receive, the night it was finally over, each day I have lived without even thinking about it… and standing in my kitchen I began to cry.

That he should care for me when I was so thankless, that he should be there for me even when I doubted him, that he should love me enough to heal me and to have a purpose for me just took over me and I loved him. I thanked him. I can barely type because the truth of His love is sweeping over me and I can just barely believe that He loves me so… but He does. And He loes you and wants to heal you. I dare you to stop and just consider all that he has done instead of thinking about what He didn’t do.

Life After Advocacy

Today is new and full of promise… we have got to remember that.

For a women’s conference, I recently performed a poem entitled “This Is the Poem” which has been the catalyst to this great shift in my life.  The response to it has fanned a flame inside of me to speak for those who can not, have not or will not. What I have heard from so many women and girls and men is not surprising, because as a survivor I already know how prevalent this problem is in our society. What has surprised me is the healing that has taken place in my own life so that I can stand up to anyone and declare freely, openly, honestly, proudly, defiantly, triumphantly, boldly and confindantly that:

There is life after…

With full faith that God will send me where I need to go, direct me to someone who needs the encouragement I have to give, that I will be a blessing and be blessed, that I will be also encouraged (as I have been already), I am beginning whay I call LIFE AFTER ADVOCACY. The intent is to celebrate and believe in life after… to move forward… to look back only to see how far we have come… and to press forward to that good and perfect plan that God intended for our lives.

A beautiful life awaits…

… be open.

Choose You This Day Whom Ye Will Serve

After all you have been through, hearing that God loves you or has a plan for you or wants to save you may not be high on your list. You may even love God, but if you have not let him heal this wound, I hate to tell you are not receiving the fullness of his joy.

If you do not know God and profess Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior, this post is for you. I am not a preacher. I don’t have a church. I am not even close to living perfect… but I am daily pressing for the mark of the high calling that is Christ Jesus. If the pain of your past has kept you from being saved, I want to thank you in advance for the next few minutes to offer you the best balm I know for every pain, scar and nightmare you have: God’s Plan for Salvation.

Nothing you ever do will remove you from the love of God. You can not earn it. You can not lose it. He just loves you because you are created in his image. With all of your hurts, all of your baggage, all of your unforgiveness, all of your anger, He loves you and wants to save you. From the treacherous life youwill lead apart from HIm. From the hurt you will cause people from things you haven’t dealt with. And most importantly, he wants to save your immortal soul.

Holding onto the sin of the one who hurt you is not making you better. The bible says all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. And in His eyes, your unforgiveness and bitterness is equal to the molestation or rape you suffered. It’s tight but it’s right, because to God sin is sin. There are no capital offenses and misdemeanors. Only sin.

And sin separates us from God the Father. There is a price to be paid for sin and all of will pay it. “It is appointed unto man once to die, and after that, the judgment.” Do you know how you will be judged? Are you assured of your place in eternity?

The simple fact is God knows what happened to you and if you will let him into your heart you will find he has something extraordinary he wants to do with you, for you, to you and through you. Today, I promise you, He is waiting for you with open arms ready to receive you and save you, heal you and comfort you. When you accept Christ, your bills won’t miraculously be paid and your abuser is not going to be struck by a falling boulder, but God will brighten your heart. You will be open to receive the gifts he has wrapped in shiny paper and tied with great big bows sitting on shelves in heaven waiting for you. Gifts like Patience, Healing, Joy, Trust, Faith, Prosperity, Relationship, Forgiveness, Understanding and most of all Salvation.

It is closer than you think… nigh even in your mouth. If you will simply confess to the Lord that you are a sinner (that you have harbored wounds you would not let him reach, that you have turned your back on HIm) and profess belief that Jesus died and rose again to pay for the sins of man, then you will be born again. 2 Chronicles 7:14 reads “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.” Be healed… be whole. Find you a bible-teaching, bible-believing church and stay in His word.

God Bless!
Miss Mai

The Power of 1 Small Voice

No, I don’t remember the first time my abuser touched me. And I don’t remember the first time he told me to keep it a secret. The fact is, I probably wanted to keep it a secret before he ever said anything to me. What would I say? How could I say anything? What would my mother think? My family? My friends? What had I done? What was wrong with me?

All those years ago when I was trembling in the dark in my bedroom at the tender age of eight I had no idea that all I ever needed to say was something. It didn’t matter what people thought. It didn’t matter who I said it to. It didn’t matter how many times I had to say it before someone did something. I just had to say something to someone before anything could be done. 1 Small Voice is dedicated to the power we had all along, but somehow believed did not exist.

1 Small Voice called a friend in the wee hours of the morning and said only “I want you to have my Wrinkie dog” and my friend knew something was wrong.

1 Small Voice spoke boldly with my eyes when the cops came to the door, though my lips never moved and a sound was not uttered until I was safely in the squad car.

1 Small Voice stood on the stage in pageant after pageant and said “I will speak for those who can not.”

1 Small Voice is dedicated to every child who felt abandoned and used. To every wounded child-like spirit that cowers in the recesses of every survivors mind. To every boy and girl who wants out and is too scared to say anything. I implore you, reach out to someone. If you can’t bring yourself to say it, just sit with someone you trust until it does come out.

1 Small Voice is for you, the triumphant survivor, who wants to give back. It is for you, the healed and whole, who want to be an example for others who may be lost.

1 Small Voice is for me, because this small voice has something big to say:

You can live your life in VICTORY, instead of as a victim.

Survivor Resources

There is so much more help out there than we ever realized… so many more resources than we could have ever imagined. Below is a list of helpful links I have put together to help you break your own silence or assist a loved one in coming out of their own personal darkness. Together, we will be triumphant!

Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God
http://www.biblegateway.com/
This is not a misprint. I fundamentally believe the key to healing the wounds of the abused heart and receiving love as it was intended… to live a full and prosperous life… to be your best possible you… it is vital that you accept and know Jesus Christ. His love and comfort are unfailing and everlasting. He alone has the power to heal a broken spirit. It is possible to forgive your abuser, to move on and to end the cycle apart from a relationship with God. But why would you want to? I would not be offering you complete healing if I did not offer you salvation and the comfort of Jesus Christ. Click here for a verse from God’s word to feed you and equip you. Visit Bible Gateway for more.

Adult Survivors of Child Abuse
http://www.ascasupport.org/
This progroam deals specifically with the different needs of the adult abuse survivor. While many share similar abusive backgrounds, it can take years before some people are ready to berak their emotional silence and seek the help they need to live happy, healthy productive lives. This site offers web-based supprt groups, workbooks, a forum for sharing information and more.

You Are Not the Only One

It is the hardest thing for you to believe when you are going through it, but you are not alone. Even now… some twenty, thirty years later, you are still not alone. Someone you work with can relate to the secret pain you carry. Someone you laugh with, eat with, talk to regularly has a story similar to yours that they haven’t shared. The only difference might be that one of you is healed and one of you isn’t.

You have to understand that what happened to you as a child reverberates in your actions and decisions for years and years. And just because you are hyper-vigilant about who you choose to date or to bring around your own children does not mean you have dealt with your abuse. As a survivor, I can tell you I have never ceased to be amazed at how much anger there was inside of me. How much shame. And still so much fear.

 But I want to tell you that God can heal you, mend you, repair you, love you to a place called “whole” in a way where you will know without question that it was Him and Him alone that did it. I pray that you seek Him for healing and seek friends and family for support.

God Bless!

Miss Mai, poetess